the suffocation of conformity, or the perils of rebellion...

(she meant you no harm)

tainted innocent
4 June
External Services:
  • bonnebelle@livejournal.com
(...She meant you no harm) Red Hot Chili Peppers

I'm trying to put this year in a nutshell and that's pretty hard. What?
I'm trying to write an overview of the last 8 months of my life. Sometimes
I sit down and think about what's going on and how my direction got totally
lost because I used to know exactly where I was going and everything was
planned But really I'm thanking God or someone for Kym, and my
friends and for all the fun I'm having and at least my "youth" isn't being
totally wasted. At least I found someone to love and when I'm old that's
one good thing I'll have to remember.

Some days everything in the world starts pressing down on me. Like back in
January, when I was worried about Harriet and how she was going anorexic,
and then how I was worried about Meg when she wasn't coping at home, and
then how I was worried about my sister, and then Chelle and then my own
family who were always arguing and my best friend taking drugs and us
falling apart. It used to make me cry and now I swear to myself to be a
better person and be interested in the future and not smoke cigarettes or
weed and not have sex with someone I didn't really love and not to wear too
much eyeliner or be rude to Mom. And then I think that's hopeless because
I've changed so much and broken all these pacts I made with myself and the
older I get the more I see how I can act on these things and work it all out
in some twisted way. So I learnt to love life and love myself, and most of

...in terms of your morals and stuff: you were dying from the day you
were born.

My name is Vikki.
Sweet Sixteen.
A tainted innocent I guess.
A kick me ballerina.
With the biggest smile you'll ever know.

You're a romantic, Vikki, but you're not hopeless

...and really it's the end of something simple, and the beginning of
everything else. Time to move on, and grow up.
acting, alcohol, art, ballet, barbie dolls, baths, beaches, beer, big baby sweets, bitching, black and white photos, black eyeliner, bliss, body art, bohemian, books, british, broadway, candy, cell phones, chatting, chinese food, chocolate, christina aguilera, clothes, clubbing, coffee, conditioner, cuddling, cuddling all night, curls, dancing, dark chocolate, day dreaming, daydreaming, deep thoughts, drawing, dreaming, dreams, drinking, drugs, evanescence, eye makeup, eyes, fantasy, films, five hour phone conversations, flirting, freedom, french, friends, fun, funny looks, getting massages, giggles, gucci, guitar, guys, hanging out, happiness, happy days, holding hands, holidays, home sweet home, hot chocolate, house music, inside jokes, italian food, kiss, kisses, kissing, knicknacks, ladybugs, languages, late night, laughing, law, life, lip gloss, long and interesting conversations, love, love songs, magic, making friends, making love, making out, mal eats pancakes, massage, meeting new people, men, midnight, money, movies, music, musicals, my friends, night, no doubt, old books, ouija board, parties, partying, passion, people-watching, photography, photography., pictures, plays, pride and prejudice, punk music, rainbows, random people, randomness, raves, reading, retro, roller coasters, romance, screaming, sex, sexuality, shooting stars, shopping, singing, sleeping, smiles, smoking, songs, starbucks coffee, starburst, stars, sugar, summer, sunrises, sunsets, sunshine, surfing, swimming, tennis, topshop, tropical islands, vacations, vodka, wasted, wishes, writing